Who do you love more?family or drugs?
I had just turned 21 years old, I recently became unemployed and had just witnessed a heart wrenching court trial over the tragic death of a former colleague. I was weak, vulnerable, hurt and scared of what to do with my life or what steps to take next. A friend I had known for many years but not seen in about 3 showed up unexpectedly at my door one day. She was a babbling mess, she had just broken up with her bf who was becoming violent and aggressive. this person showing up was the start of what would seem to be a never ending hell for the next two years.
I wasn’t entirely aware of what I was getting myself into, I had heard little of ice and didn’t know much about it. She said try it, it will make everything disappear and u will feel like a weight is lifted. I did, and she was right, but from that moment it was to be a ugly, downhill spiral that lead to me using ice everyday. I lost relathionships with family, friends, and it just got worse and worse, until the worst thing imaginable could happen that made me wake up to myself and come clean. My brother was jailed over a tragic accident that lead to the death of his friend. This sent me to the brink of suicide, I was a mess, i was so heart broken and hurting for my brother and I can remember looking in the mirror and being horrified at the girl who stared back. I was a young girl who was previously working as a hairdresser, I had no eyebrows, no eyelashes, I was 45kgs when I was once a healthy 63kgs and I looked like a walking zombie from not having slept. i burst into tears and became so angry at myself, but this time it was a different anger rather than the usual drug fueld tantrum. I was so angry at myself for allowing me to get to that point, I was disgusted. How could I attend court and sit in court as a relative to my brother looking like a dirty crackhead?. from that moment I forced myself into a complete and total detox, I had told my mum I was finally getting off the drugs, I don’t think she believed me but I was determined to prove her wrong, I warned her and said it’s going to get ugly so pls ignore me, pay me no attention as I’m going to get off this shit. I locked myself in my bedroom for a month, only leaving to eat or use the bathroom. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t that easy, I mean I literally had to lock myself away from the world, cut all ties with every single person except my mum and keep thinking of my brother as my motivaton to come clean, my brother hates drugs, he was unaware that I was even on them. Eventually after about 6 weeks I finally started feeling normal again, my eyebrows were growing back, I had spent most of that 6 weeks sleeping, I was thinking more clearly and as time went on I became more and more determined and motivated to never ever look back. I eventually decided it was time to tell the rest of my family the truth and why I had become so distant from them for two years, everyone was shocked, it hurt me to hurt them with the truth but again I used that hurt to fuel it into positive motivation to keep on keeping on with my drying out. It’s now only been about 4-5 months since I have been clean, and although many do relapse I am certain that I will not and I have not relapsed. Anything is easy if you can keep yourself strong, turn the anger u may feel into motivation, use the emotions or whatever hurt u feel as fuel to keep yourself determined to get off and stay off drugs. At the start I pictured myself running in a marathon, I was so tired, I was so out of breath and as I thought I was about to give up and stop running I told myself don’t u dare!, ur so close and every step gets u closer!. Keep yourself determined and make yourself become stubborn in a positive way to prove everyone else wrong that ever called u a junky or put u down, prove them that you are not!